Cheating Spouse Also Gets Hurt

In a exposure of an extramarital affair, the betrayed is hurt, feeling betrayed and get shocked. The problem is when the hurt and betrayed party exposes the affair to the people around and pushes the cheating spouse, the betrayed will again be hurt by the attitude of the cheating spouse.

In general there are two following cases.
1) The cheating spouse completely denies his/her cheatings.

The cheating spouse just wants to hide his/her faults. They feel the reality only then because his/her spouse has found out the truth and is shocked and feels guilty.

Continuous questioning, doubts and dispute will aggravate the guilt and surprise, and the cheating cannot stop denying and lying. This continuous situation will hurt the cheating psychologically and all that he/she can do is to cover the mistake and will not be able to cope with the incident actively. The situation will worsen as things will develop and the cheated will no longer trust the spouse which will again bring more dispute and turmoil.

2) The cheating spouse affirms his/her misdeed.

The cheating spouse has been suffering psychologically and feels even relieved that things has been disclosed as he/she wanted the act to be finished in some way. Usually the cheating would ask for forgiveness. Another possibility for this case is that the cheating has been considering seriously about divorce but was not able to speak out. In this event, he/she would calmly ask for a divorce to finish the marriage.

Regardless of the case, a cheating spouse is in a psychological hurt status. Of course, the most hurt is the cheated without any doubt, but the cheating spouse has been hurting his/herself from sense of guilt and misdeed and from the course of self- reasoning. When the affair incident is revealed, it is not wise only to concentrate on the cheated rage. This will also hurt the other more and thus it will not be possible to make a reasonable decision.

An affair hurts both the husband and the wife, the cheating and the cheated. Both of them are in deep psychological heart so it is not possible for the hurt to heal the hurts of each other.