The First Step to Affair Solution Is Important

We have learned how important the first or the initial reaction is, when an affair is revealed. Time, effort and cost highly depend on this. Also things can turn to worse such as repeated cheating, putting blame to the cheated, separating, impossible communication and even divorce.

Let's think back how you reacted when you found out that you have been betrayed.

The cheated might have
- gathered information and proofs
- continuously asked for explanation
- expressed your anger and feeling of betrayal
- panicked and conflicted not knowing what to do
- told your family members and others around you
- visited psychiatrist
- leaned on to superstitions
- leaned on to prayer

These are the major reactions. However, these and other efforts did not solve the extramarital affair problems. As such, blaming the cheating person will grow and regret of marriage would come. Stress and depression might occur and one will have a very painful and difficult time. In time, one might negotiate with the reality for the sake of the children, financial matters and self-blame.  It is easy maybe just to forgive than to solve the problem by oneself. True it was the cheater's misdeeds and it is his/her fault.

One will believe his/her saying "I still love you!" Everything will go as if it never happened. Or one's rage and anger gets bigger as time goes by, counter-cheating might come as a revenge. Separation, legal or mental divorce (living together but not as a couple) can be followed. Excessive measures such as suicide or murder can also happen.

Everyone has tried every effort but all did not work, why? We could say that the procedure of solving the problem was wrong. The whole process has been wrong from the first step. All the efforts were made but all failed. Fingers were all pointed to the others. Once again, affair should not be dealt as coupled conflict or problem. Affair is the total package of individual personality disorder, psychological problem, affair circumstances, psychological hurt, couple matter, sex problem and others. It is not easy to be solved.

The very right first step is to eliminate the rage of the cheated so that he/she can find psychological stability, become cool and make a wise decision. That is why rage treatment comes first in dealing with affair problem. After that, detailed method should be designed. No more effort and time has to be wasted.

In affair counselling, we target first the affair problem solution and then to make a happy couple life. Psychological treatment and counselling will only deal with one side of the couple and will not solve the relationship of the two. Therefore, Rage Treatment is the first thing to do and with a right mind, one can analyze the cause of affair and to find a solution. With rage still going one, nothing is meaningful and effort and time is useless.