Affair Counselling Isn't A Taboo

We find that many of our clients have thought negatively about the affair counselling in the past. There are five reasons as to why people think of affair counseling with such nativity.

1. Clients think that the affair counseling is for those with mental problems. Affair Counseling does not require psychological diagnose or a treatment. Couple problem is a conflict between a husband and a wife which involves everything from private matters to other relational issues. It is a complex matter. Therefore, one can’t say that affair problem is absolutely mental.

2. Clients find it difficult to discuss about their private matters. To solve an affair problem, the counselor has to analyze every single problems of the couple. It is understandable that the clients find it not pleasing to discuss these matters. This is why I always find it very important that the couple has willingness to solve the problem and desire to become happy afterwards.

3. Clients find it uneasy to talk about sex. We dare say that all 100% of the affair problem results from sex issue. Of course it cannot be said that only sex is to be blamed for the affair problem but as sex is an expression of couple trust and love, it has to be analyzed and has to be considered as a part of a process.

4. The cheating spouse finds it difficult to talk about the faults and mistakes. In an affair problem, the counseling is not to find the cheating spouse responsibility for the action. Rather, by analyzing what went wrong in the marriage, the couple will find out that it takes two to tangle. Both the husband and the wife have to understand the reason behind the affair and try to turn their lives to be better.

5. Clients do not believe that the affair counseling would solve affair, rage and couple problems. Affair problem and other couple’s problem can be solved through affair counseling. However, many clients do not believe this and would exclude counseling as solution. In addition to this, when there has been personal efforts made and enough time was spent for that, one tends to think that the affair problem is far beyond being solved. In such case the effort has been made in a wrong and ineffective way.

Effort has to be made in strategic and effective way. Otherwise things might become worse. This is where the expert comes into the scene. Once again, affair problem cannot be solved through general psychological counselling or marriage counseling. It should be treated as a specialized area.

We have seen many couple who, after trying by themselves for a long period of time without any improvement, come to the session as a last resort. This is a fortunate case but in majority, the couple would give up for improving their relationship.

" I have never felt so free from the burden before."
" I should have come earlier, why hadn’t I?
" I regret I have wasted so many days and hours without making any progress."
" I have wasted too time and money!"
These are the words spoken from my clients.

I say to them "Isn't it so fortunate that you are together and happy now even though you have spent time in hurt and pain?"
"The problem can be solved even by starting to make the right effort."

Affair problem has to be dealt carefully and we always keep this in mind. Affair problem cannot be put in the box. All the cases are different and all the solutions are different. There is only one solution to each case. The counseling is a process to find this way. Let's not forget the aim of the affair problem solution is the couple’s happiness. If it is not done, we can’t say an affair problem is solved. Happiness matters and it is that much important. Without happiness, affair is likely to repeat itself.

In an affair counselling, affair and couple situation are to be analyzed and the solution to the affair is designed. In addition we help the couple to be changed so that their new couple life will be happy in a new way. If you are having an affair problem now, you might as well apply for the counseling. Thinking that the affair problem can be solved by the couple’s efforts alone will make the matters worse and might end in separation, divorce, counter-cheating or repeated affair.

 

Advices from people around you would be like "enjoy your own life," "don’t worry about your spouse," "You can cheat as a revenge," "Hang in there," or "Consider your children". These are rather ineffective and not helping in solving an affair problem.  So do not pay attention to those kind of advice.

How are you coping with the affair now? Are your trying to solve it by yourself? Affair issue can make everything worse. It can increase marital conflict, ignorance toward each other, sense of guilt and doubt and decrease the conversation between the couple. 

Have you forgiven your betraying spouse? Forgiveness was done as a temporary measure. It is not permanent.

An affair expert will help you understand and analyze the cause of affair. Both the husband and wife have to be treated for their hurt and pain. This is the effective way to a new happiness. Couple crisis can be turned into an opportunity.