Different Instinct – Man & Woman

It is difficult for a man and a woman to understand each other and this causes a lot of problems. Difference in instinct especially regarding sex brings multitude of troubles after marriage. Instinct or innate behavior is the inherent inclination of a living organism toward a particular complex behavior. Instinct is generally understood as the innate part of behavior that emerges without any training or education in humans. There are mainly the instinct of preservation of the species and the instinct of preservation of individual.

Likewise, instinct has nothing to do with consciousness or thinking and it is totally different in man and woman. Without knowing the fact that man and woman have different instinct, practically care and understanding is impossible.

Hypothesis of Affair Psychology
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            During Dating Period       After Marriage
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Man        Passion (sexual instinct)   Unconscious love from idea
Woman     Love from Mind           Passion (Motherly Love)
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During the dating period, man shows passion from his sexual instinct whereas woman shows love from her mind. However, this changes after marriage. A man with a newly formed idea, loves with his whole being and woman with her motherly love along with such sacrifice and dedication. As shown after marriage, instinct of man and woman show changes as they raise their children together. Man gets away from his passion of sexual instinct. He will form a new idea based upon his wife and loves with his whole being. Woman on the other hand gets away from love of her mind and will possess a passion based upon motherly love.

During dating period man has passion from sexual instinct which will make him dedicated to woman, display care and understanding so that her mind is moved towards him. He will also try patting, caressing and sex for his wife. Through these efforts, a woman will move her mind because of satisfaction, expectation, dedication and passion and will be in love with her mind and mutual sexual pleasure and happiness will come.

Likewise, man would try every effort to gain woman’s mind hoping for intimate sex with her. Woman on the other hand feels love within her mind and then her sexual desire is stirred. Therefore, sex is an immersed act purely on passion and love among dating couples.

Man wants to move the mind of the woman so that he can get her love. He wishes to meet her often, got out to eat, see movies, travel together and spend time with her. During these activities sexual pleasure starting from hand holding to caressing, kissing and sex will come. Woman on the other hand, confirms that the man loves her by seeing his dedication, care and understanding and would eventually follow his sexual instinct and love his passion and mutual sexual pleasure is formed.

Now if you look into the process of dating, it all starts with a cup of coffee. All this will revolve into meetings and having sex. Whatever the form of their meeting-travel, movies, dinners, and so forth, these all end with sex. Once the sexual pleasure is formed, the dating pattern changes. Sex is a must course during the dating period. This is because the man's sexual instinct based on passion and woman's feeling of love is formed naturally. Woman feels happy as she feels her love fulfilled through sex.

Man may think his sexual instinct with his passion as love. Woman can also think man’s passion as his love towards her and then the mutual love grows together with sexual pleasure. As man and woman feel that they are deeply in love, which is false, they would want to get married with each other. During the honeymoon period, the union of man's passion and woman's love does not change and stays the same.

However, as time goes by, and as children arrive, man forms an idea with his wife and children at the center of his love and woman would form "sacrifice and dedication (a motherly love instinct)" which is an immersed passion. Man and woman have now changes in their instinct.

With the marriage, man will rearrange his idea centered his wife and his children; the idea of responsibility, success in business and work, family, and others. Woman would put her passion, dedication and sacrifice for her husband and children. She would not put others before her husband and children. What is important at this point is that woman after marriage loses her life as a woman. She only lives the lives of a wife and of a mother. Before marriage, she lived a life as a woman but it is lost as she lives the lives of the wife and a mother.

The problem with this is that the husband or the man loses his sexual instinct as he changes his idea. Sex at this point is not from his true sexual instinct but is from his responsibility. Therefore his passion is lost. This is the changes in the man's sexual instinct.

On the Contrary, a woman with her passion of motherly love (dedication and sacrifice) feels her happiness and regards sex as to validate her sense of happiness. She needs sex not to confirm her passion but to feel happier through sex with her husband which will in fact turn her more passionate. Now the woman's instinct is changed from her love to passion - motherly love.