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Happiness for husband and wife

Both the cheater and the cheated are lonely, no matter how long they have been married together. After the husband’s affair is revealed, the wife undergoes a tunnel of pain but once treated with rage, she regains her pride and confidence and starts a new life. She dismisses the jealousy and bitterness.

The wife stops her interest in her husband. Affair does not stimulate the husband any more. An affair is thrilling only when there is a wife! The husband loses his interest in his extramarital affair as he sees his wife having her own life, making herself beautiful and happy without depending on her husband. Don’t be influenced by your partner but be an influence! Of course, this is what husband and wife both want but they do not know how they have to approach each other and their relationship gets cold and indifferent as time goes by. Finally they find their relationship meaningless which usually ends up as divorce and separation.

There could be some lessons learnt while surviving the trials between couple. However the sense of loneliness still remains. Wives gets out for shopping every day, meet up with friends or even making boyfriends, but still cannot avoid the emptiness. Same goes for the husband.

It is not easy for any woman to do away with what they have accomplished for so many years. For husbands, ironically it is their own wife that they find it most difficult or easy to deal with. Whether they admit it or not, it can be said that they are addicted to their wives.

However, many women tend to think that their husbands are capable of deserting family and live by themselves happily. They also think that when men have an extramarital affair, they love the other person and they shared something that cannot be shared with their wives, but what they do not know is that every time they have sex with the other woman, they tend to feel empty and uneasy. Some couples seem to be leading happy lives as they possess same hobby but the truth of the fact is that most of the relations are empty inside. I dare say that the couple who quarrel everyday is more passionate and they tend to crave something from each other and their lives are far much more interesting than those couples that seem to be peaceful.

When there is no problem regarding sex between the husband and wife, the husband will feel free from sex and will not crave for other sex partner. The wife also will feel happy and optimistic about life even though there is no sex. Sure, most of the couple need to learn about proper sex, not only for others but for oneself.

Every woman needs to learn about her body and sex and most importantly, learn why a woman need to live a life so dedicated and sacrificing, and why she needs a man in her life.

 

A thought after a sex scandal

I hear sex scandals almost every day. The Netizen responds saying this or that to those scandals. I believe that it's time our language should be more decent and sophisticated in dealing with these kind of matters. Time to upgrade ourselves. Nobody seems to be brave enough to openly discuss on sex or maybe there is no professional experts on this matter. I believe the general concepts on child abuse, rape, and other sex related crimes have to be changed. Now it is time we think about why such crimes are committed, why they cannot be dismissed from our society.

It is likely that those who cannot refrain or control themselves from strong sexual desire can be sex addicts. This cannot be noticed easily. Those men who commit such crimes tend to think they are machos and have strong sex appetites. If there are repeated and frequent arousal for sex, then they are the symptoms of sex addiction. One cannot imagine how various symptoms of sex addictions show and that there are so many remedies, as they are accompanied by strong pleasure and lust.

We will have to be familiar with the sex addiction. Thanks to Tiger Woods. However, it is not known how he was treated and what he thought about the 'disease.' Indeed, there are so many sex addicts but they do not recognize it themselves. They tend to hide it and find it embarrassing. Only after an incident, they find themselves addicted but refrain from being treated, thinking that they do not want to be taken as a psycho.

Addictions are addictions, just like alcohol or drug addictions. The problem here is that there is no expert or facilities only for sex addiction. There are sex addicts increasing in number everyday but there is no solution whatsoever or anyone who can understand this problem. Let's say that there is an expert but realistically speaking he or she will be regarded somebody perverted. It wouldn’t matter how much cautions in terms of taking care of children’s safety and security. It is almost impossible to control children’s daily routine. Also it is not right to isolate your children from playing with other children in the name of protecting your own children.  

Love is amazing! And we have the ability to detect the love from others. A true care and love can only heal and treat other's hurt. Those with hurts from childhood would not mature themselves enough to have the abnormal sex tendency or desire while suppressing their desires and temper. I believe that this is the only way to keep my children and my family safe. There are problematic adults but there are no problematic children. We need to define why and when the sex addiction started and find out if there anything else beyond the lust. It is time we need to speak up about this. Sex problems have to be openly discussed and this is the only way to keep our children and family safe. When families are happy then the communities become happy too.

Sex is important. It is so for both man and woman and as long as they live together, they need to understand each other and accept the differences.  A thirsty person should not be given with bread. A sacrifice mislead is meaningless and only painful.

Where have you learned about sex? From internet? Play boy magazines? Experience with friends or from your boyfriend or girlfriend?

In most cases women learn sex from men who have learned from appropriate sources. This is why women are dependent upon men. Men do not know what women want. They only crave for what his thing wants. They trust in their ability and strength to endure a certain time. For some women, this is exactly what they want but for others it is just the opposite. Anyhow, men do not interpret the screams of pain as pain. They take it as they like. This is why sex has to be educated properly and specialized.

For this, understanding sex is a priority not only for men but also for women for real people in normal world. A proper sex involves the psychology of what my man wants and what my lady wants. This will in the end prevent sex related crimes or divorce. With the proper sex knowledge, it is easy to see what the problem is from a sex scandal article.

Women, you are the center of your own world!

Be the center of your own world! These are the words that I have been told and I have told to my children over and over again. For you only live once.

As you live your life especially for women, marriage and love for their husband will change women to becoming a dependent person. Everyone has their own unique talents. But housekeeping is not something that is highly praised among those talents. This is especially so for those women with no high social background.

There was a pretty young twenty-two year old piano instructor. She graduated from a community college. She was a girl living next door. She looked pail that day. I had a strange feeling so I asked her what the matter was. She said that she had an abortion and the father was a married man. He was separated.

She said he will divorce his wife and marry her soon. How foolish she was! Such a naive young lady! She totally believed him. She was having pains on her breasts as the milk started to come out. She was enduring all the physical pains. The married man was a well-known professor of a music college. He was womanizing after the young ladies! I had to spend a whole day to talk her out of that relationship. It was so obvious for me to see what that man really was all about. This young lady also didn't realize how precious she was.

She gave herself to a man of high profile while thinking that he would value her and that she would be happy with a divorced man as she views herself  with such low self-esteem. Even her mother supporting her idea. What went wrong? The ignorant mother was ruining her daughter's life. This was a shocking reality.

Everyone is precious. No one deserves to be underestimated or looked down upon.

No one should be left alone while hurting themselves! When you cherish yourself, others will do the same to you. If you don’t treat yourself right and when you look to men for relationship, they will stay away from you. They would feel burdened. Eventually they will abuse you as time goes by.

Love thyself! Be in love with you! This is much better than falling in love with someone else and still feeling lonely. I do not imply divorce here. How strange human mind can be sometimes. Those who deserted you will look back at you when you become indifferent, ignoring and not caring anymore.

If you have so many stories to tell at the end of your life, you have more chances of saying that your life had been fun at your death bed. The only person who abuse you and think less of you is your husband. You have lost your esteem and confidence. Think back how you were before marriage. Now stand up and start a new life, a wonderful life that you never dreamed of.

Difference between a wife and an adultress

When a husband’s affair is revealed, the wife becomes enraged, feeling insecure and inferior to the adulteress. Especially the thought that her husband had an affair because of her own ill treatment prevails. Furthermore, she would blame herself and feel painful. The wife feels that the adulteress is more attractive and would comfort her husband much better in mental and sexual ways.

The wife should know that she cannot be compared with the adulteress. She is far more precious to her husband than the adulteress. The adulteress is only an object of sex. There are some, very stupid husbands who are addicted to sex and cannot think properly. They think that sexual pleasure is all that matters in life and it is equivalent to love. This is why they think that they are in love with their sex object, the adulteress. These men can be the most stupid men in the whole world. Therefor it is important for the wife to know the difference between herself and an adulteress. In addition, the adulteress herself should know what a fool she is to think that she is in love.

Now, here is the difference.

First, let’s look at the husband’s viewpoint

[Husband’s recognition]

Legal Protection -- Social recognition -- Mutual Responsibility
Wife --------- v ------------------ v ------------------------ v
Adulteress — x ---------------- x ------------------------x

Responsibility --- Idea of Family --- Duty
Wife ---------- v --------------------- v --------------- v
Adulteress — x -------------------- x ------------- v (sex)

The wife is protected by the law, is recognized by the society and has the right over her husband. She deserves to be happy with her family and has the responsibility to dedicate and sacrifice for her husband. In other world she has a responsibility to be happy with her husband.

On the contrary, the adulteress cannot be protected by the law, is a target of social blame and cannot claim any responsibility. She is an object of a man’s secret life. Her duty is to provide sex. The man or husband has no other responsibility other than just the cost of sex. How can anyone think that an adulteress can take the place of a wife?

An adulteress is like a sex toy for the husband. The wife should know this. The adulteress herself should know this. Real love does not exist in an affair.
[Woman’s Happiness]
Happiness --- wife --- adulteress
as a wife ------- v ------- x
as a mother ---- v ------ x
as a woman ---- v ------ v (sexual pleasure)

There are three types happiness for woman. She gets married and dedicates herself to become happy in these three happiness. The wife should be happy as a wife, mother and a woman. She feels happy when she is being loved with such affection from her husband for the couple’s happiness and the pleasure of sex. Even though she may not be happy now, she will still makes efforts to ensure and maintain her future happiness.

The adulteress cannot possess happiness in the same as the wife does. The man she is love with is not married to her legally. And there are no children between the two of them so this relationship does not guarantee the mother’s happiness. The only one think remains for the adulteress, a sexual pleasure without a genuine love or happiness in her relationship. This is why the affair is nothing but only sexual pleasure. They tend to think that it is love, which is a huge mistake or delusion. The husband’s passion and dedication in the affair relationship is that he hopes to have sex with the adulteress again in the future.

It is so evident that the wife does not have to feel insecure while comparing herself to the adulteress. Do not forget though you may be suffering from your husband’s affair, but the adulteress is only the adulteress, a sex toy.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis

According to the psychology theory, man acts before he thinks while woman thinks before she acts. Thus a love can be created because of this different psychological operation. But this principle cannot be applied when analyzing an affair case.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 1.
When a man is in a relationship with a woman, his sexual instinct instantly operates before he thinks or value anything else. A woman’s emotion starts to operate before her sexual instinct gets stirred up. In other words, a man does not possess the same degree of emotion as a woman does. He rather has his own value and idea. It’s a matter of what comes first within their mind. Therefore a man forms an idea to suit his woman and loves her with his whole being and a woman loves when her mind and body are moving together.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 2.
During dating period, a man will become passionate which stemmed from his sexual instinct. A woman feels love within her mind. After the marriage everything changes. A man loves a woman with his whole with his own his idea. A woman will be passionate out of her motherly love.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 3.
Because a man does not have emotion as a woman does, he doesn’t get easily hurt. Since having his own idea and value, he tends to become more vulnerable to stress and his stress doesn’t evolve to become depression. When a man under stress he wants to escape from it. Due to his own instinct, he wants to find a way to ease that stress. As for woman she doesn’t get stressed but hurt within her mind. So she gets depressed easily. When her hurts are piled up and when it becomes too much to handle, depression occurs and she hurts within herself.  

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 4.
When a man is stressed, he would normally activates his instinct to get away from the stress immediately and feel comfortable. He would seek whatever means he has. When he is deprived of his pleasure and fun, he feels stressed and will activate his instinct to recover them. Thus a man will do whatever he can to get away from stress and maintain his pleasure.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 5.
If a man hurts a woman, she will want consolation in her mind. When comforted by her man, she will take that sense of comfort as love.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 6.
A woman gets married because she loves her man with her mind and that’s why she can have sex with him. A man has sex with a woman out of sexual instinct and man’s sexual pleasure is mistaken as love and he gets married to the woman.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis 7.
When an affair happens, the wife rages because she feels that her husband’s mind and love are poured into the adulteress. In fact, a man has an affair because he enjoys “sex” with the adulteress and it has nothing to do with mind. However when the wife has an affair, the husband gets mad for the fact that she had “sex” with the other partner. He can’t think the other factor of his wife’s affair that she felt loved by the other partner, which was more important for the wife. She was consoled by that man and having sex with that man was only an expression of her mistaken love.

In this sense, man and woman have different point of view and rage and hurt deepens as the misinterpretation and misunderstanding occur between them .

The above mentioned 7 hypothesis are the bases upon the affair theory. From this principle, prevention of affair, and solution to affair problem and related methods are developed. Also, as the affair problems are solved, the above mentioned 7 hypothesis proved to be true in most cases.

 

Consolation can lead women to sex

A man comforts a woman when she is hurting and the woman perceives his consolation as his love for her and yearns for having sex with the man who comforted her. She ends up having sex with that man simply because she thinks he love her. At this moment his sexual urge gets stirred up. This is how a romantic relation begins. The problem here is that a wife, a woman, through many years of marriage hurts and pain have been accumulated within her mind and to make it worse she even became extremely angry due to her husband’s affair.  

She is filled with deep anger and hurts. At this moment if any man other than her husband touches her wound and comforts her, she feels as if that man loves her and take that consolation as love.

This is how we can see among many wives’ affairs that hurts and pain being accumulated within her mind. She gets hurt then naturally she will want to be comforted by her partner, ideally her husband, however if her husband couldn’t comfort her for some reason, then she will want to be comforted by any man unconsciously. When she gets it from another man, she will naturally think that he truly cares for her and even loves her. Therefore if your wife is having an affair her spouse must remember first of all that she has too much hurt and pain within her. She will potentially fall into another man’s comfort and possibly end up having sex with him.

For wives that are having an affair with other man, they must be aware that they are having sex with the adulterer because you feel that they love you but they don’t!  This can be a vicious cycle and counter-cheating is so prevalent causing a domino effect. This is why affair, divorce and other related crimes such as hatred murder are increasing.

For a woman, sex and love are closely linked. This is why men do not gear for sex immediately when meeting women. He knows by his own instinct that he has to grab her attention first way before he can have sex with her. For a woman to have a sex with a man, first and foremost she must have a feeling of love within her mind. But this can be a whole different story when she is deeply wounded within her heart. The bigger the hurt more painful she becomes. More painful she becomes then much more she yearns for comfort and consolation. This is embedded in her instinct. If it is such a small hurt and manageable it can be easily overcome with her own reasoning and understanding.

If she experiences such hurt and pain for the first time and never received any consolation or comfort for her pain, she will tend to hide her own hurt. This can cause such damage for a woman. This can lead a woman to having an unhealthy sex life through which she end up accumulating more hurt within herself.

Where there are more pain and hurts more consolation is required. If there is no comfort she keeps on having romantic relationships and meaningless sex. She would even go as far as being obsessed with sex just to feel loved.

Affair Psychology Hypothesis
When a woman gets hurt by a man and based on her own instinct, she wants to get comforted. When consoled by a man, she feels comfortable as if she is in love. After her mind is consoled, she thinks that love is sex.

A woman is hurt from betrayal, husband’s affair, repeated break up’s, violent words and actions from male partner, being looked down and others. Woman gets hurt regardless of marital status. However, man does not think of this as grave matter and tend to think they have not hurt woman. Woman in turn do not realize this even though massive hurt is already formed. This is why a woman does not recognize that she is hurt in daily lives.

The problem here is that the hurt from her spouse is piled up and gets deeper and eventually these hurts will distort her mind. Deep hurt brings longing for comfort, a consolation. When comforted, she feels relaxed and feeling deepens into a feeling of love. The comfort, dependency and consolation are taken as love. She wants more sex because she wants to confirm she is loved. As this goes on, her mistaken feelings of love gets stronger and so does her bodily pleasure and sex. Normally, sex for woman comes from the feeling of love within her mind and she wants to have sex to solidify her love. For her, bodily pleasure or orgasm is not important. She wants confirmation in her mind, a feeling of love. This is a love that harmonizes her body and mind. This is the true love for a woman. Unfortunately, for a woman with deep hurts takes comfort, dependency and consolation as love and seeks for bodily pleasure and orgasm. This is not a harmonized love of body and mind. It only has sexual pleasure and consolation for the hurt mind. If you are a woman and have hurt from a man (husband), you are having sex to be consoled. If you are having an affair now, please do read this carefully. If you are a man, you need to look in to your wife’s heart and see her hurt. If you are having an affair, do remember that she might turn an adulteress for another man because of hurt caused by her husband’s affair.

“You cannot have it all. When one is gained and the other can be lost“

What is more valuable to you? Making a wise choice will lead you to a happier life.

Stress and Depression

In understanding Affair Psychology, it is important to differentiate and analyze the stress and depression. Stress and depression have to be treated otherwise they will affect the total life and will eventually lead to such misery in life.

In an affair problem, stress and depression become a serious issue. This is because stress and depression in affair can lead to rage, hurt and divorce and sometimes even to murder.

<Hypothesis in Affair Psychology>

Men do not possess same mind as women do therefore they don’t feel the hurting in the same way women do. However they are very sensitive to stress and rarely get depressed. When the idea of a man is stressed it has a strong obsession to get out of stress as he does not have a buffer to ease it. Woman on the other hand does not get stressed much but can be hurt in her mind which could lead to depression and has an instinct to hurt herself if not expressed and oppressed within herself.  

So the husband has tendency to become stressed not depressed. Man does not get hurt as a women does. When he says he’s hurt, it could mean he is stressed. Stress can be much tougher for men to endure because he has no same mind as woman does. A man would express different words and actions according to the level of stress and his own personality. Also, each man shows different ability in solving the stress according to his endurance and idea. When the stress is too much, he would change his idea or go extreme as to get away from the stress. This is the instinct that no reason or intention can control. Under a severe stress, instinct gets activated automatically.

When the man is under stress and in a position where he is not able to control the situation with his reason and intention, then abnormal character, action or words can be manifested. This should be understood that the man is under a strong stress and his instinct is acting so as to get away from the stress. His trial to get away from stress is immediate and instant. The man does not endure stress well and his instinct tells him to find a quick way, may be through diminishing the stress by his reasoning, changing ideas, modifying personality, or acting and speaking abnormally.

This is because his instinct tells him to find a way to feel comfortable. At this point, sexual instinct - the man’s basic instinct – becomes activated as a result of strong stress and lack of reasoning capacity. This is the point where the husband’s affair occurs.

Therefore, a man in a stressful working conditions or those with weak stress resistance tend to repeat extramarital affair. In other words, the instinct to get comfortable from stress turns into sexual instinct and the man will fall into pleasure and lust.

In case of a woman, she gets hurt when stressed. When the stress is controlled by her willingness and reasoning, it will not remain as hurt. However, when this is not controlled, it will turn into hurt of mind as a solution to cope with stress. This is because her instinct does not need an immediate comfort.

Stress not controlled by the woman’s reasoning evokes sacrifice and dedication and she would try to understand and receive the stress. This remains as hurt of mind. The woman would try to endure and overcome the hurt over a long period of time. Unlike man, woman tries to solve the stress through considerable amount of time. Such stress in the mind that had taken a long time to be solved becomes her hurt of mind.

These hurts of mind can be piled up in a woman. A woman becomes resistant to stress because she has too many hurts piled up within her mind. When they become too much to handle, she can no longer control her situation and her willingness and reasoning can no longer contain them. This is when a woman falls into depression. Therefore, a woman’s depression is from her piled hurts, and the rage is the moment when all these hurts are exploded in an uncontrollable manner. Hurts from her husband’s affair itself is not a big problem but the rage that has exploded accompanies excruciating pain. Especially, the depression from rage is severe as the rage gets larger.

Once she feels depressed, she can no longer receive her hurt and the depression becomes even deeper. From that moment on, every little stress will become hurt with which she cannot deal and makes her depression becomes more serious. This is the reality of a woman’s depression.

In conclusion, to treat a woman’s depression, the utmost important thing is to treat the hurt of mind first. She has to be treated so as to control the hurt with her reasons and willingness.

It should be noted that men and women have different “hurt of mind”. A man’s instinct tend to eliminate the stress immediately, on the other hand, woman treats her stress in her mind and turn it into her hurts. These are all because the instinct wants to be comfortable. This is why man does not understand woman’s hurt and woman, man’s stress. This is because they are totally different in dealing the stress themselves.

 

Different Instinct – Man & Woman

It is difficult for a man and a woman to understand each other and this causes a lot of problems. Difference in instinct especially regarding sex brings multitude of troubles after marriage. Instinct or innate behavior is the inherent inclination of a living organism toward a particular complex behavior. Instinct is generally understood as the innate part of behavior that emerges without any training or education in humans. There are mainly the instinct of preservation of the species and the instinct of preservation of individual.

Likewise, instinct has nothing to do with consciousness or thinking and it is totally different in man and woman. Without knowing the fact that man and woman have different instinct, practically care and understanding is impossible.

Hypothesis of Affair Psychology
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
            During Dating Period       After Marriage
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Man        Passion (sexual instinct)   Unconscious love from idea
Woman     Love from Mind           Passion (Motherly Love)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

During the dating period, man shows passion from his sexual instinct whereas woman shows love from her mind. However, this changes after marriage. A man with a newly formed idea, loves with his whole being and woman with her motherly love along with such sacrifice and dedication. As shown after marriage, instinct of man and woman show changes as they raise their children together. Man gets away from his passion of sexual instinct. He will form a new idea based upon his wife and loves with his whole being. Woman on the other hand gets away from love of her mind and will possess a passion based upon motherly love.

During dating period man has passion from sexual instinct which will make him dedicated to woman, display care and understanding so that her mind is moved towards him. He will also try patting, caressing and sex for his wife. Through these efforts, a woman will move her mind because of satisfaction, expectation, dedication and passion and will be in love with her mind and mutual sexual pleasure and happiness will come.

Likewise, man would try every effort to gain woman’s mind hoping for intimate sex with her. Woman on the other hand feels love within her mind and then her sexual desire is stirred. Therefore, sex is an immersed act purely on passion and love among dating couples.

Man wants to move the mind of the woman so that he can get her love. He wishes to meet her often, got out to eat, see movies, travel together and spend time with her. During these activities sexual pleasure starting from hand holding to caressing, kissing and sex will come. Woman on the other hand, confirms that the man loves her by seeing his dedication, care and understanding and would eventually follow his sexual instinct and love his passion and mutual sexual pleasure is formed.

Now if you look into the process of dating, it all starts with a cup of coffee. All this will revolve into meetings and having sex. Whatever the form of their meeting-travel, movies, dinners, and so forth, these all end with sex. Once the sexual pleasure is formed, the dating pattern changes. Sex is a must course during the dating period. This is because the man's sexual instinct based on passion and woman's feeling of love is formed naturally. Woman feels happy as she feels her love fulfilled through sex.

Man may think his sexual instinct with his passion as love. Woman can also think man’s passion as his love towards her and then the mutual love grows together with sexual pleasure. As man and woman feel that they are deeply in love, which is false, they would want to get married with each other. During the honeymoon period, the union of man's passion and woman's love does not change and stays the same.

However, as time goes by, and as children arrive, man forms an idea with his wife and children at the center of his love and woman would form "sacrifice and dedication (a motherly love instinct)" which is an immersed passion. Man and woman have now changes in their instinct.

With the marriage, man will rearrange his idea centered his wife and his children; the idea of responsibility, success in business and work, family, and others. Woman would put her passion, dedication and sacrifice for her husband and children. She would not put others before her husband and children. What is important at this point is that woman after marriage loses her life as a woman. She only lives the lives of a wife and of a mother. Before marriage, she lived a life as a woman but it is lost as she lives the lives of the wife and a mother.

The problem with this is that the husband or the man loses his sexual instinct as he changes his idea. Sex at this point is not from his true sexual instinct but is from his responsibility. Therefore his passion is lost. This is the changes in the man's sexual instinct.

On the Contrary, a woman with her passion of motherly love (dedication and sacrifice) feels her happiness and regards sex as to validate her sense of happiness. She needs sex not to confirm her passion but to feel happier through sex with her husband which will in fact turn her more passionate. Now the woman's instinct is changed from her love to passion - motherly love.

A man's mind and a woman's mind

I dare say “Men do not have mind like women do”.

Other counselors, professors and others in the academic field do not agree to this statement. This is because there are no thesis or published book that mention this and it is true that this statement itself is very unfamiliar and evokes rejection.

By adapting this hypothesis that “Men do not have mind like women do”, we found the problems of affair was solved immediately. Then we understood that this hypothesis was indeed very important.

Hypothesis of Affair Psychology.

When attracted to a woman, a man’s body (sexual instinct) moves first followed by his idea. When attracted to a men, a woman’s mind moves first followed by her body (sexual instinct). This indicates that a man possesses an idea and not mind and a woman mind and not idea. Therefore, a man is in love with his whole being when his idea is formed to suit his female partner. A woman is in love when mind and body is accompanied together.

A man’s sexual instinct activates the moment he sees a woman. Therefore, a man can notify everything that he wants to find in a woman instantly. One second is enough for him to recognize the attractiveness. This is the activated “Sexual Instinct” This is found in every man. It is needless to mention male hormones or other pathological researches. A man is inborn with this ability. This is a man’s basic instinct.

Once attracted to a woman, his sexual instinct is developed and he would make effort to attract her. This is the dating period. The first step would be having little chats, praises, care and consolation. Then comes coffee, dinner, drinks, movies and drives. These are the method that man uses so as to fulfill his future sexual instinct. Thus comes the passion out of sexual instinct.

The word “I love you” is mistaken feeling that has been aroused from man’s sexual instinct. When a man says “I love you” it means that he is immerged in his passion fom sexual instinct. When a man is immerged in passion he feels happiness and joy. This will make him to adjust his life standard (ideas) to the woman. This idea is not found in a woman.

A man’s idea

Ideas of rational reasoning, life value, responsibility, power, social success, happiness, business, profession, love, compassion, woman, family, children and other idea.

The moment a man forms an idea is when the responsibility comes from marriage. Therefore, a man’s idea whose starting point was passion from sexual instinct brings idea with the event of marriage.

In conclusion there is no mind for man. Man do not possess mind. Man has no mind. This means having sex according to his sexual instinct is differentiated from idea. Therefor sex is possible without love. Upon sexual instinct, it is possible for a man to have sex with multiple partners. This indicates that for a man to be happy with a woman depends on how this sexual instinct is controlled and managed. This is why a woman has to know a man’s psychology.

It is not always that a man’s sexual instinct is activated. Of course, a man’s sexual instinct might occur the moment he sees an attractive woman from her appearance, body figure and ambiance. However, this does not always involve sex as they are controlled by one’s reasoning.

On the contrary, a damaged male idea or an aggressive stress will activate sexual instinct uncontrollably to its extent. This is the point where a husband’s extramarital sexual intercourse comes. Also once the uncontrolled sexual instinct was fulfilled, this situation will repeat itself. This is why a husband’s affair becomes as close as a sex addict.

For all this to be solved, it is important that the man’s damaged idea has to be treated and that he should become strong enough to find his reasoning to resist stress. In addition, a man does not have hurt of the mind. He has hurt of the idea. This is very different from each other. Other than a big shock, incident or embedded habit, it is not easy for a man to have a hurt idea. Therefore, if the man has a damaged idea, which is a very rare case, this past incident or habit has to be found and has to be treated. Man does not have mind but he has feelings. The problem is that this feelings are mistaken as mind. Woman has a mind with feelings but man has idea with feelings. That is why man and woman have different feelings for a same incident or phenomenon.

All this indicates that it is wrong to involve mind therapy for a man who does not have a mind at all. Woman needs mind therapy whereas man need idea therapy. This is why mind therapy shows its effect on woman and very rarely on man. This is why most of affair problem (sex problem) is not solved properly. In other words, till now, man’s feelings were mistaken as his mind which brings failed counselling. Therefore, in a couple related counseling (affair and sex) the core of the counseling is in the woman’s mind and man’s idea.

Man does not possess a mind. He mistakes his feelings as mind.

Therefore, a man mistakes his passion from his sexual instinct as his love.

Extramarital Affair - A Marriage Cancer

An affair revealed is a marriage cancer and when not treated properly, it will lead to a marriage death (divorce). Therefore, if you wish to live happy as a couple, an immediate effort has to be made to solve this problem.

When the incident of extramarital affair is revealed, the trust between the couple disappears and the couple relationship turns to the worst and rage occurs. Likewise, an affair is destructive and is a marriage cancer. However, generally an affair is dealt rather lightly where in fact, it should be seriously treated as a deadly cancer.

Cancer is deadly. If it is severe, one would set back all the works and would put every effort to get cured. One would not resist the disease saying that it will be cured as time goes by. When the cancer is not treated properly and right away after it is found, it will be transferred to other organs and will eventually lead to one's death.

A well-treated cancer would stop the transfer, reduce it and eventually will completely cure it. However, when not properly treated, it might become worse and it will be too late for a proper treatment to be applied and eventually one will die. In some cases the development of cancer is such that it is already too late for any kind of treatment.

Patient's will is what matters the most in treating a cancer. Patient should have the will to be cured. With willingness, a patient will search for a best hospital, consult the right treatment and save no time, money and effort.

Now what about the Marriage Cancer - affair problem? In a couple relationship, when the affair is revealed, it is a death sentence. Sadly, not many people recognize this. Couple relation is dying because there is no willingness to get cured and there is no effort to solve the problem. This is why a marriage dies (divorce) because affair problem is transferred to other couple relation problems.

An affair problem needs to be solved otherwise, it will cause severe couple problem and in the end a divorce (couple death) will come. A divorced couple has a lot to say. They all have different stories. However, when you look deep in to their stories, it is easy to find that they have left the affair problem not treated. I have analyzed from my counselling the divorced, 90% of them had initially an affair problem not properly treated. To the outside world, the reason of a divorce varies but in most of the cases, an affair problem was the starting point.

A firm will to get cured is required and a proper treatment that suits each situation is needed. Rage and hurt is treated and couple and affair solution is designed. If not properly designed, a treatment or a solution will worsen the couple relation and will lead to divorce. With this willingness and once the treatment and solution is designed, time, cost and effort have to be invested.

As each cancer cases has different causes and development course, so is the affair cases. This is why a detailed analysis and diagnosis is compulsory. As there are stages in a body cancer, so is the affair problem. An affair problem should be dealt with just like the body cancer. A hospital has numerous services ranging from dental service to surgery. However, for cancer, a cancer center is set up. A marriage cancer cannot be treated in an office where every psychological problem is dealt with. A marriage cancer needs a specialized center.

This is because marriage cancer is totally different from other general counselling method, in terms of treatment and so forth. A body cancer cannot be treated in plastic surgery center. So is the affair problem. This is where an affair counselling specialist comes in. It is very difficult, almost impossible for a non-specialized psychological counselor to solve the affair problem. To note, there are NO affair counselling specialist in Korea which indicates that these cases are hard to be dealt with not to mention to be solved.