If You Are Not Serious, Do Not Apply For A Session

What are your trouble and worries?

When I read the e-mail and phone applications there are those
- who just only give it a try
- who even make contact for fun while remaining anonymous
- who think that one simple inquiry will solve all the problem without their own efforts

It is a total waste of time solving the problem alone while searching for information or finding example cases. This is not the proper solution. So those who are not serious, do not apply for counseling or do not call us. It is only wasting your time and effort and ours.

Those who come to the session are in desperate need of help because of their

- Serious and painful extramarital affair, sex problem and other couple related problem.
- Strong determination to solve the sex and couple problem
- Wish to solve the problems.

Those who truly want to solve the problem should contact or come to us.

Many of our clients came as a last resort to find their solution as they have spent time, money and effort in searching for an answer. Our affair therapy targets not only the problem solving but also the finding and maintaining the couple happiness as this will be the true result of the solution.

1. A detailed and customized solution has to be found while an exact analysis of the situation and core problem is found.

2. Continuous management of happy life sustained after the problem is solved.

Without a mere solution to the problem, the situation will look ok at first but it will not last long. Around 90% of the cases out of thousands of couples turned happy as the couple happiness were sought. All the cases were different, and so all the solutions were different. I want to reiterate that if you are not in the worst case, do find another counselor.

You Only Live Once So Be Happy

Everyone is destined to face death and with it we are prone to bid farewell to everyone that we knew and loved. We all only live once! If you are over 40, you will be facing many changes all around in your life. Skin condition will change. You won’t feel like when you were younger. Women will be facing menopause and men will feel declined sex ability.

If this is you, are you still happy? Would forgetting the affair problem bring changes in real life? Are you happy when you are having sex problems?

Live a life! Why live unhappy and not make efforts to be happy at all? Delay your effort till tomorrow and your happiness will be delayed until your death bed. It’s never too late to look at your spouse.

How miserable you two have been! How you were not enjoying intimate time between you two! Ask these questions to yourself sincerely and ask for genuine forgiveness. We sincerely wish that all the couples live happily in their daily lives and recover their intimate relationship. Discovering new happiness and joy will let you realize how precious your husband or your wife is. Why waste time living unhappy when time is limited for you.

Make effort right now and it will be possible for you to be happy again. All problems can be solved and nothing can hinder your happiness. Being happy is your right and that of your own.

Your spouse has the right to be happy as well. So return to your wife or husband and realize your rights. Bear in mind that we only live once and true happiness for the married couple is only there between husband and wife.

Trusting And Following The Therapy

It is surprising to find that there are quite a number of clients who themselves are counselors themselves with massive knowledge of psychology and counselling method. We get some advices from these clients. These clients themselves study this field because they have strong desire to solve and understand their problems. These clients tend to be positive about counseling itself and are active in solving their own problems.

However, problems rises to other clients who in fact have a lot of advisors, some with experience or knowledge of psychology or counseling, tend to listen to their advisors instead of the counselor. They think our counseling method is not suitable for them or that they do not think it is possible for us to solve their problem in a given time. These clients want the counseling to be processed in a way that they want or as the advisors around them have proposed.

However, this is just demanding the counselor to listen and follow their own way. The solution to an affair is very delicate and has to be treated carefully according to each couple and sometimes the solution method seem to be something that the client has never imagined or thought of before. At this point it is important for the client to have trust in the counselor and follow his ways. The directions given are very specific.

On the contrary, if the client proposes his or her own way, does not trust the counselor’s method or ways, has negative feelings against the proposed ways and stop the session at his or her will, the problem will never be solved. When this happens, to our regrets, the client blames and points their fingers at the counselor without realizing the problem from the client him/herself or from the so called advisors around them. They tend to feel what they know and study is the one and only right thing.

Once again the client has to trust the counsellor and follow what has been given and make effort. The methods and ways are given rather specifically and all the client has to do is try to follow them.

What matters the most is to define the right solution to the problem for each case followed by the problems that can rise and give directions to cope with the situation problem. It is the counselor’s job to predict the situation and to encourage the client to make effort and continue it in the midst of trial. One session of counselling giving a rough direction will never ever solve the affair problem. The affair counselor has to check and be a mentor in solving the problem.

To Solve Your Problems and Troubles

Most of the people regard affair problem, sex problem and other couple related problems as something private and secretive and therefore try to solve these problems through searching information. Sadly, there is no information whatsoever that can solve your specific problem. Things remain the same even if the time flies in years and decades.
Why is this so?

This is because the trouble you are facing now is the solely unique problem in the world. Information is only examples and advices and they were the solution to somebody else and I say that it can never solve your own problem. I say that it is useless and waste of time and money if you are gathering or resorting to such information.

Do you want a solution to suit your own issue? If you do click on the e-mail down below and request for a counseling the primary counselling is FREE. Why hesitate and not find out? At least, you might get an idea on how to solve the problem to your troubles and worries. Applying for a proper session is another thing. It is the very first step to find out the ways to solve your problems. After that you can decide to make efforts to follow the treatment or counseling. Remember there is NO ONE in the world that will solve your every problem for you. If you do not make the right effort, the problem can never be solved. A willingness to make effort to solve the problem is the very first step of solution.

Happiness Research Inc. has been expert in Affair Counseling and we are ready to let you know the proper way to solve any couple problems. So click the e-mail address and apply for the free counseling request

What Is The Core of The Problem?

Every clients have their own stories. In fact, finding the core of the problem of each case gives more than half of the answer to the solution. However, most of the time, this core of the problem is dismissed or disregarded as the ongoing rage, troubles and hurt seem to be too much. It makes it very difficult to find a practical solution method. Also the solution differs depending on the situation whether the cheating is still going on or not.

If the cheating is still going on, the solution must be designed very carefully, the situation needs to be analyzed in detail so that the cheating can be stopped and the solution has to include the things that can happen after the cheating is stopped. If the solution is wrong, it will bring counter-effect and will become waste of time and money.

In addition, the core of the problem has to be found. By this very core, the problem of affair and achieving couple happiness can start. Without finding the core of the problem, any method will eventually prove to be worthless.

From the counseling sessions, there are a lot efforts lost because the core of the problem was not found and the couple situation became worse and the couple would find it impossible and give up solving their problems. There is no couple problem that cannot be solved. However impossible it may look, it can be easily solved once the core of the problem is found.

Problem Must Be Solved.

What do you do when couple, sex and affair problem happens?

First, you would try to solve the problem by yourselves. Information can be found in internet and there are some free counseling. However, your troubles will become bigger when there is no improvement and your pains grow deeper. In time, couple problem will worsen and serious and unexpected situation might come.

From our sessions, it was so easy to see that the internet information is limited. As one searches for more information, there will be more difficulties. After trying to do something without results, one would give up on themselves or would go to the extreme. We ask my clients what efforts they have made. They do not give us an immediate answer. In fact there has been no efforts at all. Information is only a reference, not an effort or a solution.

What you need is a proper counseling which can provide you with reason, solution and ways to make efforts. There are limitations in free counseling. Only a few would go for the paid sessions. Once the problem is analyzed and a way is found, counselors give advices and guidelines during the course of making efforts.

Betrayed Husband Has to Change Himself First

I always ask the betrayed husband to come to the office alone to analyze the situation and to find out what changes the husband needs to make. Only after this, as counseling progresses, wife's change is in order. In this way, couple reunion and couple happiness is possible.

"I was speechless when my wife said that I had no right to blame her. I had never seen her so firm. I was more shocked by her words than by her having sex with another man. Yes, I had a lot of work after the promotion at work and after the marriage, I had not much interest in my wife's life. She told me that I had no regard to her existence. I didn't realize this. I really do not want to miss her again." These are the most typical words from a betrayed husband. In such cases, husband has to make a little change first so that mutual changes and reunion can come. As for this couple, they are in their honeymoon.

Why would a husband come to an affair counselor? That is because he wants to be happy again with his wife although she had betrayed him. In such cases, it is meaningless to think, judge and to act all by oneself. Couple alone cannot solve their problem. Mistaken changes in the husband will only bring a mislead relation.

In such case, couple need to change according to their situation through counselling. Wife would change during the counselling process. In addition, hurt of mind, doubt, rage and sense of betrayal has to be changed in to mutual love.

What Comes After Couple Reconciliation?

After an event of a spouse's affair and the other spouse being hurt, Reconciliation can still take place between husband and wife. This is usually considered as a Recovery from affair and couple problem. However, the rage and hurt still remain in the heart of the betrayed, doubt and anger surges and hurt and pain always lingering upon the couple. Words of doubt, causes of couple dispute, reduced couple sex all comes as the aftermath of the affair problem. This is seen almost in every couple faced with affair problem.

Since the reconciliation is done, it is not so easy to relate to the past matter and the trouble is buried deep underneath. After the affair problem, both the husband and the wife has to have a changed idea, action, life and sex life. Without changes, the reconciliation is not complete. Thus, it is only a matter of time the problem will emerge again.

Are you focusing only on the reconciliation alone?

If the couple has reconciled it is a good thing but without solving the hurt deep within each other's heart, it is meaningless.

So, what comes after couple’s reconciliation?
1. Hurt and range, doubt and pain should be treated.
2. Both the couple need to know the exact reason of the affair problem.
3. Both try their best to prevent the affair from happening again.
4. Change the crisis into a chance

Why do we say it is difficult for couple to solve the matter by themselves? For it is almost impossible for the couple to figure out this stages after reconciliation. This is why a couple must be consulted. Reconciliation is important but what is more important is the things after that. It is a hard-working process.

Through this the husband and the wife will change completely and the affair problem
will be completely solved. In other words, thinking that reconciliation and no more happenings is not the right way. In the end it will act as a reason for something bigger.
This is something to be kept in mind all the time.

Without Couple Happiness after They Are Back Together, A Counselling is Meaningless

In a couple problem related counseling, getting them together comes as priority. It usually naturally happen that husband wife come together. Helping the couple to stick together for developing and maintain their happiness is the most important thing for any couple.

Therefore, the counseling session for a couple should be as follows:

1. To analyze the couple problem,

2. To implement a program after they are united

3. To make couple happy and to let them maintain happiness.

Most of the failure that happens in an affair problem is when this happiness making process is disregarded. In a couple problem, it is so painstaking and urgent that the aim of the counseling is usually set to getting-them-back-together-again. This is something that can be achieved without difficulty.

The problem is that once the couple is back, it seems the problem has gone away as if nothing has ever happened. One might think that reunion can solve the problem but truth of the fact is that it is not so. After the couple is back together, there are things to be seriously deliberated.

Once united, how can they be happy again? This is something to be seriously dealt with. Reunited couple, after a couple problem is not same as they were before. They have to know that the idea of each other should be changed. Therefore, once they are united, new relation has to be set up and they need to get prepared to be happy together, otherwise the happiness will not last long.

Couple problem occurring after reunion brings larger difficulties and the required solution and effort is more than double. Therefore without getting ready for couple happiness, the future cost will be enormous.

Let's be reminded that

1. First is the couple reunion but couple happiness after this has to be included and considered during the counseling.

2. This is why an expert is needed. Happiness after the couple reunion has to be in the course of counseling solution.

Affair Counselling for Betrayed Wives

There are things to be considered when a wife attends the affair counseling. Is she coming with her husband or is she coming alone? This makes a lot of difference. If the husband truly understands his mistakes, then the counseling procedure and cost will be minimized where as in the opposite case where the wife alone attends counseling, the procedure and cost will bigger.

Many wives try to solve their husband's affair problem alone by

① Reading affair related books,

② Studying counselling related books,

③ Reading psychology books,

④ Searching internet for affair problem solutions,

⑤ Joining internet cafe or club run by non-specialists and get advices,

⑥ Getting advices from people around,

⑦ Relying on superstition or religion,

⑧ Gathering husband's affair proofs.

⑨ Blaming herself and getting plastic surgeries for changes,

⑩ Quarrelling and pushing her husband to change him,

⑪ Getting divorce in order to get away from pain and difficulties,

⑫ Counter-cheating as a revenge and others

Others might include giving up, saying and doing without thinking etc. If we say all of the mentioned above are wrong, one might say ill of me. However in fact these are very wrong ways to solve an affair problem.

There are three stages in an affair solution

① Psychology stability stage (rage treatment, pride and self-esteem recovery)

② Changes of body and mind stage (hurt treatment, habit and personality changes, psychological problem solution),

③ Happiness stage (sex problem solution, couple problem solution, relation problem solution, happiness process)

The goal of affair solutions is Happiness -

① Couple happiness ② individual wife happiness ③ happiness after divorce

Setting one of these goals will not be late to decide after

① Psychology stability stage and

② Changes of body and mind is done.

Therefore it is not recommended which goal should be set from the beginning. These processes can be done by wife alone or together with the husband.

1. Counselling wife and husband together

In an affair counselling it is very important whether or not the husband has truly realized his fault. Husband's psychological status may be the key to success in an affair problem solution. When the husband sits for counselling against his will and because the wife pushed him to, it will cause harder and painful situation because husband will claim that he has done as wife wanted and will press wife to stop the counselling. Therefore, wife should not push the husband into counselling as this will never solve the affair problem. If the husband truly admits his faults and suffers more than his wife, and tries without any condition to attend counselling, the chances of solving an affair problem is more than 80% and that with a shortest amount of time.

In this case ① Psychology stability stage takes usually 2 to 3 months. Wife would suffer no more rage or pain. In fact, if the husband does not truly acknowledges his faults, it is literally impossible for the affair problem to be solved completely.

2. Counseling wife alone

This counseling is very different from the former. Wife alone has to sit for the session if the husband

- Completely makes his own reasons for his affair,

- Blames the wife for this acts,

- Says that he has no faults,

- Shows verbal and physical violence

① Psychology stability stage will recover the wife's self-esteem and pride and will help her to have a peace of mind away from psychological pain and troubles. It is important that this has to be done regardless of the situation of the husband.

After this ② Changes of body and mind treatment is followed and changes in old habit and personalities are done so that various psychological problem is solved. It is never too late to decide divorce after this stage.

In this sense, it is very absurd to go for divorce because you are too much suffering. Only after you are free from rage and your mind and body is renewed, then you can analyze your husband in a third person's view. This will help you to make a wise decision whether to be happily divorced, to be happy alone or to be happy together as a couple. If luckily during the course of ① Psychology stability stage and ② Changes of body and mind stage, the husbands truly understands and acknowledges his faults, then the goal would be set to couple happiness.

However, if this does not happen, usually a divorce is in order and the wife will set the goal to be happy alone after divorce. In reality, the husband's true enlightenment of his fault is the key in deciding a divorce or getting together. Once again please be reminded that an affair problem should be dealt by an expert and not by a general couple problem counselor.

Working and surviving affair by wife alone will induce in fact a larger couple crisis and even if the husband is forgiven, it only means the affair problem has not been properly dealt with and is looked away. Conflict and frequent fight will occur and couple will not be happy together.

The First Step to Affair Solution Is Important

We have learned how important the first or the initial reaction is, when an affair is revealed. Time, effort and cost highly depend on this. Also things can turn to worse such as repeated cheating, putting blame to the cheated, separating, impossible communication and even divorce.

Let's think back how you reacted when you found out that you have been betrayed.

The cheated might have
- gathered information and proofs
- continuously asked for explanation
- expressed your anger and feeling of betrayal
- panicked and conflicted not knowing what to do
- told your family members and others around you
- visited psychiatrist
- leaned on to superstitions
- leaned on to prayer

These are the major reactions. However, these and other efforts did not solve the extramarital affair problems. As such, blaming the cheating person will grow and regret of marriage would come. Stress and depression might occur and one will have a very painful and difficult time. In time, one might negotiate with the reality for the sake of the children, financial matters and self-blame.  It is easy maybe just to forgive than to solve the problem by oneself. True it was the cheater's misdeeds and it is his/her fault.

One will believe his/her saying "I still love you!" Everything will go as if it never happened. Or one's rage and anger gets bigger as time goes by, counter-cheating might come as a revenge. Separation, legal or mental divorce (living together but not as a couple) can be followed. Excessive measures such as suicide or murder can also happen.

Everyone has tried every effort but all did not work, why? We could say that the procedure of solving the problem was wrong. The whole process has been wrong from the first step. All the efforts were made but all failed. Fingers were all pointed to the others. Once again, affair should not be dealt as coupled conflict or problem. Affair is the total package of individual personality disorder, psychological problem, affair circumstances, psychological hurt, couple matter, sex problem and others. It is not easy to be solved.

The very right first step is to eliminate the rage of the cheated so that he/she can find psychological stability, become cool and make a wise decision. That is why rage treatment comes first in dealing with affair problem. After that, detailed method should be designed. No more effort and time has to be wasted.

In affair counselling, we target first the affair problem solution and then to make a happy couple life. Psychological treatment and counselling will only deal with one side of the couple and will not solve the relationship of the two. Therefore, Rage Treatment is the first thing to do and with a right mind, one can analyze the cause of affair and to find a solution. With rage still going one, nothing is meaningful and effort and time is useless.