Affair Counselling for Betrayed Wives

There are things to be considered when a wife attends the affair counseling. Is she coming with her husband or is she coming alone? This makes a lot of difference. If the husband truly understands his mistakes, then the counseling procedure and cost will be minimized where as in the opposite case where the wife alone attends counseling, the procedure and cost will bigger.

Many wives try to solve their husband's affair problem alone by

① Reading affair related books,

② Studying counselling related books,

③ Reading psychology books,

④ Searching internet for affair problem solutions,

⑤ Joining internet cafe or club run by non-specialists and get advices,

⑥ Getting advices from people around,

⑦ Relying on superstition or religion,

⑧ Gathering husband's affair proofs.

⑨ Blaming herself and getting plastic surgeries for changes,

⑩ Quarrelling and pushing her husband to change him,

⑪ Getting divorce in order to get away from pain and difficulties,

⑫ Counter-cheating as a revenge and others

Others might include giving up, saying and doing without thinking etc. If we say all of the mentioned above are wrong, one might say ill of me. However in fact these are very wrong ways to solve an affair problem.

There are three stages in an affair solution

① Psychology stability stage (rage treatment, pride and self-esteem recovery)

② Changes of body and mind stage (hurt treatment, habit and personality changes, psychological problem solution),

③ Happiness stage (sex problem solution, couple problem solution, relation problem solution, happiness process)

The goal of affair solutions is Happiness -

① Couple happiness ② individual wife happiness ③ happiness after divorce

Setting one of these goals will not be late to decide after

① Psychology stability stage and

② Changes of body and mind is done.

Therefore it is not recommended which goal should be set from the beginning. These processes can be done by wife alone or together with the husband.

1. Counselling wife and husband together

In an affair counselling it is very important whether or not the husband has truly realized his fault. Husband's psychological status may be the key to success in an affair problem solution. When the husband sits for counselling against his will and because the wife pushed him to, it will cause harder and painful situation because husband will claim that he has done as wife wanted and will press wife to stop the counselling. Therefore, wife should not push the husband into counselling as this will never solve the affair problem. If the husband truly admits his faults and suffers more than his wife, and tries without any condition to attend counselling, the chances of solving an affair problem is more than 80% and that with a shortest amount of time.

In this case ① Psychology stability stage takes usually 2 to 3 months. Wife would suffer no more rage or pain. In fact, if the husband does not truly acknowledges his faults, it is literally impossible for the affair problem to be solved completely.

2. Counseling wife alone

This counseling is very different from the former. Wife alone has to sit for the session if the husband

- Completely makes his own reasons for his affair,

- Blames the wife for this acts,

- Says that he has no faults,

- Shows verbal and physical violence

① Psychology stability stage will recover the wife's self-esteem and pride and will help her to have a peace of mind away from psychological pain and troubles. It is important that this has to be done regardless of the situation of the husband.

After this ② Changes of body and mind treatment is followed and changes in old habit and personalities are done so that various psychological problem is solved. It is never too late to decide divorce after this stage.

In this sense, it is very absurd to go for divorce because you are too much suffering. Only after you are free from rage and your mind and body is renewed, then you can analyze your husband in a third person's view. This will help you to make a wise decision whether to be happily divorced, to be happy alone or to be happy together as a couple. If luckily during the course of ① Psychology stability stage and ② Changes of body and mind stage, the husbands truly understands and acknowledges his faults, then the goal would be set to couple happiness.

However, if this does not happen, usually a divorce is in order and the wife will set the goal to be happy alone after divorce. In reality, the husband's true enlightenment of his fault is the key in deciding a divorce or getting together. Once again please be reminded that an affair problem should be dealt by an expert and not by a general couple problem counselor.

Working and surviving affair by wife alone will induce in fact a larger couple crisis and even if the husband is forgiven, it only means the affair problem has not been properly dealt with and is looked away. Conflict and frequent fight will occur and couple will not be happy together.